The closer I inch towards the end of the year, the weirder life gets..I'm stuck in a mangy mosaic of myriad, contradicting & often mutually exclusive emotions - all miraculously harboured in a tiny little space - my HEART..!
But then, isn't that how its supposed to be??
Inevitabilty darlings..:p
Churlish though it might seem to cavil at this moment of reminiscences,but it might be a good idea to sit back & put things in perspective.I just have to sit down, drag my feet up, pull them close to my chest, wrap my arms around and enjoy the experience - bitter-sweet or not..
The year that's been has had more than its share of pleasures,excitement, fun, frolic & brouhaha..!!!
Gifted with just the right share of liberties (both financial & otherwise..) sans the all consuming burden of responsibilties (which tend to barge in unheralded) INTERNSHIP is perhaps the best phase of a medico's life..!!
Honestly, if Brian Adams had not beaten me to it, it would be me singing, ''summer of 2010'';-)
Yet, here I'm, once again Cribbing n complaining..!
Why? I understand now..
Its just that I've never been good at writing the happy things..Its like, I take them for granted..we all do that..Don't we??
BELLA..! Sigh..!!!
I sit here laughing at myself and wincing every time I think of her..
A few stolen days of reality in a virtual land..emotions bared, Secrets shared, promises made..Hushed whispers, subtle gestures, stolen Moments, full of feel..all I knew, n all I cared for was, U, me, she, her, we, US..!
Real or not, those few deluded moments of being in the soft, silken strangle of love are the one that I'l cherish the most..!
But then was that love..?
If u'd asked then, I would have screamed a yes in an eye's blink..or may be I wouldnt have answered at all..merely scorn at your insolence instead..or may be punch you in the face for having missed out the obviousness of the reply..!
But now???
Somehow i'm not so sure..
Sometimes even a nebulous reaction can be sublime & substantial, almost to the point of being egregious..
It was time something jolted me out of the fairytale that i live in, and brought in a healthy dose of reality..And so it did..or should i say, 'she' did it..
All said & done, it still doesn't take away anything from you, my Bella.. (only that, you are no longer 'mine':()
U still remain the best thing that's ever happened to me..!
As I stand on the faltering fringes of 2010, I just have this li'l piece of wisdom to offer..
Good or bad, happy or sad, easy or hard..whatever be the moment in ur life, always remember..
''THIS TOO SHALL PASS..!''
A coupla goodbyes to say.. To the year that's gone & to you my BELLA..
''Au revoir''..no, no, NO..scratch that..
''Bid adieus''..!
Huyya, 2011.. Here I come..;-)
Monday, December 27, 2010
The First Gulp of Free Air..!
Gosh...!!!
It's been quite a while that I put something
over here..
Have I run out of topics?
Am I devoid of thoughts??
Nope, its Neither..
Its not even the paucity of time..
Its Just the inability to structure my complex
& often contradicting thoughts..This teeny
tiny little brain of mine is cluttered with just
one thing too many..! Internship , labour
room postings, studies, grads day & yet
another 'important issue' which has turned
more sore than i'd ever imagined even in the
wildest of my dreams.
Result?? - I just kept jumping & hopping from
one topic to another without ever daring to
embark upon a sojourn that offered
crossroads..carrying them all with
me,clutching them close to heart, for fear of
choosing & in the process, losing..Always
postponing & procrastinating the time to
chose..
For certain reasons, I have terribly missed this
space and particularly missed being able to
write - my personal, 'social' diary..!;-)
No, not the conventional scribbling of words
and sentences but 'writing' in a manner that
heals me. Truly and deeply unraveling my
emotions.The real me, the darker side of me,
my alter ego, that I myself cannot always
comprehend..Sentiments that even I am
unaware of...!All this finds meaning here..this
space has been almost theraupetic..!!
THANK YOU BLOGSPOT..!
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over
that phase of life (which was complex and
strange), atleast I thought so and it made me
quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was
getting closer to how I wanted my life to be
and the past did not have a place in the
future..! Seemed like i was living a dream..!
Something that i've always dreamt of..''To
live in a dream..!'';-) But then reality struck..&
struck hard..!
Did I retreat? No, I didn't..Neither did I run to
this space..Cos someone had warned, that
this isnt a ''public toilet.''
I was torn into a torrent of confounding
emotions..my mood swings getting more
erratic by the day n worse by the night...!
But now in the comforts of my home,
munching on mom- made snacks, thinking
clearly seems so easy..Effortless..almost
natural..! Feels like having woken up from a
timeless slumber..!
Like the first gulp of the fresh free air..!
Inhaling within my heart n soul, the freedom
this air so proudly offers..!
In essence - feels good..:-)
I now realise that the problem lay in the way
I viewed things...It was a tad too idealistic..I
had failed to realise that life is neither black,
nor white..but a multicoloured hues of gray..!
Life can never be completely devoid of
problems..If it did, it wouldn be called LIFE
then..!
I'm reminded of an sms i'd once recieved & at
that time had thoughtlessly fwded..About a
fabled dialogue between life n dream, when
life says,
''My dear friend, dream..the day u come true,
i shall lose my meaning..!''
If you are waiting for a conclusion, i'm sorry,
I have none to offer..!
Life is to be lived, the way it is..leave the
analysis, definitions & conclusions to the
philosophers..!
As for me, I have always opined..
''PHILOSOPHERS ARE MAD MEN..!''
It's been quite a while that I put something
over here..
Have I run out of topics?
Am I devoid of thoughts??
Nope, its Neither..
Its not even the paucity of time..
Its Just the inability to structure my complex
& often contradicting thoughts..This teeny
tiny little brain of mine is cluttered with just
one thing too many..! Internship , labour
room postings, studies, grads day & yet
another 'important issue' which has turned
more sore than i'd ever imagined even in the
wildest of my dreams.
Result?? - I just kept jumping & hopping from
one topic to another without ever daring to
embark upon a sojourn that offered
crossroads..carrying them all with
me,clutching them close to heart, for fear of
choosing & in the process, losing..Always
postponing & procrastinating the time to
chose..
For certain reasons, I have terribly missed this
space and particularly missed being able to
write - my personal, 'social' diary..!;-)
No, not the conventional scribbling of words
and sentences but 'writing' in a manner that
heals me. Truly and deeply unraveling my
emotions.The real me, the darker side of me,
my alter ego, that I myself cannot always
comprehend..Sentiments that even I am
unaware of...!All this finds meaning here..this
space has been almost theraupetic..!!
THANK YOU BLOGSPOT..!
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over
that phase of life (which was complex and
strange), atleast I thought so and it made me
quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was
getting closer to how I wanted my life to be
and the past did not have a place in the
future..! Seemed like i was living a dream..!
Something that i've always dreamt of..''To
live in a dream..!'';-) But then reality struck..&
struck hard..!
Did I retreat? No, I didn't..Neither did I run to
this space..Cos someone had warned, that
this isnt a ''public toilet.''
I was torn into a torrent of confounding
emotions..my mood swings getting more
erratic by the day n worse by the night...!
But now in the comforts of my home,
munching on mom- made snacks, thinking
clearly seems so easy..Effortless..almost
natural..! Feels like having woken up from a
timeless slumber..!
Like the first gulp of the fresh free air..!
Inhaling within my heart n soul, the freedom
this air so proudly offers..!
In essence - feels good..:-)
I now realise that the problem lay in the way
I viewed things...It was a tad too idealistic..I
had failed to realise that life is neither black,
nor white..but a multicoloured hues of gray..!
Life can never be completely devoid of
problems..If it did, it wouldn be called LIFE
then..!
I'm reminded of an sms i'd once recieved & at
that time had thoughtlessly fwded..About a
fabled dialogue between life n dream, when
life says,
''My dear friend, dream..the day u come true,
i shall lose my meaning..!''
If you are waiting for a conclusion, i'm sorry,
I have none to offer..!
Life is to be lived, the way it is..leave the
analysis, definitions & conclusions to the
philosophers..!
As for me, I have always opined..
''PHILOSOPHERS ARE MAD MEN..!''
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