The First Gulp of Free Air..!

Gosh...!!!
It's been quite a while that I put something
over here..
Have I run out of topics?
Am I devoid of thoughts??
Nope, its Neither..
Its not even the paucity of time..
Its Just the inability to structure my complex
& often contradicting thoughts..This teeny
tiny little brain of mine is cluttered with just
one thing too many..! Internship , labour
room postings, studies, grads day & yet
another 'important issue' which has turned
more sore than i'd ever imagined even in the
wildest of my dreams.
Result?? - I just kept jumping & hopping from
one topic to another without ever daring to
embark upon a sojourn that offered
crossroads..carrying them all with
me,clutching them close to heart, for fear of
choosing & in the process, losing..Always
postponing & procrastinating the time to
chose..
For certain reasons, I have terribly missed this
space and particularly missed being able to
write - my personal, 'social' diary..!;-)
No, not the conventional scribbling of words
and sentences but 'writing' in a manner that
heals me. Truly and deeply unraveling my
emotions.The real me, the darker side of me,
my alter ego, that I myself cannot always
comprehend..Sentiments that even I am
unaware of...!All this finds meaning here..this
space has been almost theraupetic..!!
THANK YOU BLOGSPOT..!
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over
that phase of life (which was complex and
strange), atleast I thought so and it made me
quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was
getting closer to how I wanted my life to be
and the past did not have a place in the
future..! Seemed like i was living a dream..!
Something that i've always dreamt of..''To
live in a dream..!'';-) But then reality struck..&
struck hard..!
Did I retreat? No, I didn't..Neither did I run to
this space..Cos someone had warned, that
this isnt a ''public toilet.''
I was torn into a torrent of confounding
emotions..my mood swings getting more
erratic by the day n worse by the night...!
But now in the comforts of my home,
munching on mom- made snacks, thinking
clearly seems so easy..Effortless..almost
natural..! Feels like having woken up from a
timeless slumber..!
Like the first gulp of the fresh free air..!
Inhaling within my heart n soul, the freedom
this air so proudly offers..!
In essence - feels good..:-)
I now realise that the problem lay in the way
I viewed things...It was a tad too idealistic..I
had failed to realise that life is neither black,
nor white..but a multicoloured hues of gray..!
Life can never be completely devoid of
problems..If it did, it wouldn be called LIFE
then..!
I'm reminded of an sms i'd once recieved & at
that time had thoughtlessly fwded..About a
fabled dialogue between life n dream, when
life says,
''My dear friend, dream..the day u come true,
i shall lose my meaning..!''
If you are waiting for a conclusion, i'm sorry,
I have none to offer..!
Life is to be lived, the way it is..leave the
analysis, definitions & conclusions to the
philosophers..!
As for me, I have always opined..
''PHILOSOPHERS ARE MAD MEN..!''